3 ways you can help your child feel positive about the future

Sarie Taylor - Positive ChildrenAt David Luke we believe in wellness and the ways in which it impacts our people, our planet and the people who matter to us the most; the pupils who wear our school uniform. As part of our ongoing commitment to put wellness at the heart of our business, we’ve enlisted the expertise of Sarie Taylor, The Perfectly Imperfect Mind Mentor and David Luke’s Resident Anxiety Coach. Sarie will help us to navigate some central themes relating to anxiety, as seen through the eyes of children and parents. Her insights are enlightening. We thought we’d begin our journey together by exploring positive children and the 3 ways you can help them feel positive about the future. Even when it may feel a bit frightening.

Positive children & how to develop them…

The future is unknown. This can create excitement and opportunity, but it can equally create suffering and overwhelm. You may have heard the saying before that physiologically excitement and fear can feel the same, fear is excitement minus the smile! None of us know exactly what the future holds, no matter how hard we try to figure it out and yet despite knowing this, we do still often wonder and worry about ‘what if?’ This is a habitual way of us believing we will be better prepared and able to cope if we anticipate every possibility of how things may or may not turn out. It doesn’t work this way, you can predict 100 ways of how something may go, and yet it’s the one thing you didn’t think of that happens. Having everything figured out and going over it all can be exhausting and tiring, and in actual fact often takes us away from being present and enjoying life.

Our internal sat nav…

As human beings we are amazing, and are actually created for survival, yet we are very quick to write ourselves off as not being able to manage or cope, when in actual fact we do. Have you ever surprised yourself when you have just known what to do or say when it mattered? This was not as a result of you planning and wondering for hours before (although you may have still done that), it was because of your gut instinct, your own internal sat nav as I like to call it, you knew what to do. When we feel like this has left us, the sat nav is on the blink, it’s simply our panic thoughts getting louder and drowning out our knowing. In these situations, is as simple as taking a step back, allowing the thoughts to settle (they always do), and then you will know what to do when the time comes. Our internal sat nav although drowned out at times, we may lose sight of it but it never leaves us. It’s how we know right from wrong, it’s why we feel uncomfortable when things do not feel right for us or our children, and rather than undermine this by asking ourselves all about the what if’s, the more we learn to trust this and know that we will be OK, the less we have to suffer in the meantime. Life throws challenges our way all the time, this is a given. However, we find a way round whatever we are faced with, it’s again part of survival. But if we are constantly on alert for this, wondering and questioning what’s next, we are missing out on so much in the present by jumping too far ahead. The only guarantee we have is now.

So how can you translate this in to helping your children?

1. The more you see this for yourself and are able to trust your sat nav, it will automatically help your positive children. The more in touch with your own innate well being you can be, the more they will just see how to access theirs. Panic has a way of creating vicious cycles! This does NOT mean blaming yourself and beating yourself up by the way. It means showing yourself compassion and knowing you are doing your best. 2. Point out to your children their resilience and capability even in difficult situations. It doesn’t matter how obvious it is, they may not see it, show them, point it out. 3. Make sure they know about their internal sat nav! This may sound obvious but there is often a huge misunderstanding in adults and children that only external circumstances affect us. This is not the case. We are experiencing everything through our internal dialogue, and so we can always choose how we respond to any situation. Sarie Taylor is The Perfectly Imperfect Mind Mentor and is a qualified psychotherapist, specialist anxiety coach and founder of Sarie Taylor Coaching www.sarietaylor.com